Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Things Foods Do We Love

So like most of the internet, I feel a need to mock others mercilessly. But aside from that, I also like to celebrate eating, because it's one of my favorite things to do. So to combine these things, today I bring you my farcical rendition of Things Boys Do We Love entitled Things Foods Do We Love.

When food is delicious


When food is there after we play soccer


When food makes me full, but not too full



When food tastes good with beer


When food is deep-fried
ANY food


When food is sushi




So as you may or may not know, we are currently in wedding season. This means that over the next month and a half, I have two weddings to attend, two bridal showers, a bachelorette party, and a graduation. While they're all going to be a lot of fun they also involve dresses. On me. With pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. So my usual attitude of "Hey a little extra fat is perfectly healthy" (studies support this) has turned into "JESUS CHRIST I LOOK LIKE AN OX IN THIS DRESS UUUUGGGGHHHH." While I'm still patiently waiting for burqas to catch on in the states, in the mean time I realize I'm going to have to clean up my diet a bit. "Cleaning up my diet" sounds very simple, but as you, Internet, probably know,it's not. I realized this when I had to leave my dance class to go back to work and lock myself in front of my desk until midnight pounding out a Management Plan. My response, fueled by a combination of post-workout hunger, stress, and depression, was to reach for that one beacon of light that always gets me through tough times. That special someone who's always there for me, even if I don't often visit. The guy that everyone says I'm too good for, but I know in my heart that he's the one: my best friend, my closest ally, my McDonald's.

I ordered an absurdly large meal which consisted of my strategic removal of all redeeming health benefits and replacement with extra calories, as if the calories themselves were some sort of healing balm for my wounded soul. (HINT: they were not). I realized, however, as I stuffed fries into my face while speeding down 28, that this is a mistake a lot of us make: when we're upset, we tend to seek out comfort foods that are heavy in starch, fat, and calories. I'm an emotional eater. And until this project is done, I'm going to be having a lot of emotions, which will entail a lot of eating.

Instead of saying, "No more comfort foods," as I bit into my McDouble, I decided that I was going to change the type of comfort foods I eat. If spoiling myself with something yummy I don't get to eat a lot makes me feel better, then I need to embrace that. I just can't let it cling so hard to my hips that my ass bounces behind me like a fucking beach ball when I'm wearing a bridesmaid's dress. So I decided to start swinging for healthy comfort food. My new thing: smoothies from Robeks. I'm also going for things like fruit with whipped cream, *good* salads (with strawberries and walnuts and feta, that sort of thing) frozen yogurt, sushi, Subway, and basically any healthy food I can use to replace the crap food I usually eat.

Things Foods Do I Love?
When food makes me happy without totally ruining my ability to wear a dress.

P.S. So I was going to include a picture of me eating a smoothie at lunch today, but I didn't get a smoothie. I got ice cream. For details on this atrocity, please visit my friend Audrey Turner at http://audreykosher.blogspot.com/.


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